A frequent complaint among adults is that they have anger problems. They may have been told this by a spouse, friend or employer. Some are referred to counseling to get help with their anger.
In reality, anger is a normal emotion. Everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger is a form of communication that things are well. The problem arises in how we share our feelings of anger with others.
Probably the most important thing to learn about anger is where it comes from. Anger rises out of your feelings of FEAR, INJUSTICE, HURT or FRUSTRATION.
Fear creates anger as part of the “fight or flight” instincts - when we feel threatened and possible “backed into a corner without many options”. Anger is the “fight” and it is produced because we are no longer comfortable or in control of our situation.
Injustice is our sense of fair play. When we feel cheated out of something we are owed or that we didn’t get something that we deserve, anger is the primary response. Many people get angry, as in road rage, when they experience others breaking the rules of the road. Some people feel angry when the promotion of a colleague over themselves isn’t fair.
There are many ways to be hurt and each may lead to anger. People may be disappointed over something they were looking forward to or expected to happen. Friends or coworkers may let you them down. Some people may betray friendships by sharing confidential information with which they were entrusted. Other people may break promises or not honor commitments.
Finally, perhaps the number one source of anger is frustration. Despite our efforts, things aren’t going the way we intended. We have done our best to assure progress but nothing we do seems to help. Even little things that incidentally occur seem to be set against up reaching our goal.
Everyone feels angry from time to time. Keeping in mind that anger is a natural response, the next time you feel your temper rising and that lashing out is the only answer, consider the source. Lashing out may momentarily vent the built up emotions but focusing your effort on the source will improve your mood for the long run. It doesn't have to be a problem. We are here to help